The People's Republic of Madison
The People's Republic of Madison (aka Sodom on the Lake), though physically located in the otherwise very-Baby Jesus friendly State of Wisconsin, is actually a provincial outpost of the axis of evil formed between the People's Republic of San Francisco and Massachusetts. History Madison was created as a rest stop for all the boyloving, commie, hippies as they migrated from their haven in Massachusetts westward towards San Francisco in the 1960's. Madison's contribution to commie, pinko, liberal dissension would have gone largely unnoticed had it not been for the keen perceptive abilities of Bill O'Reilly who blew the lid off Satan worship in the Madison media in December of 2005. O'Reilly then promptly hunted John Nichols to his mountain lair and slew him with a broadsword. Matt Rothschild (Editor of The Progressive) still remains at large. The People's Republic Of Madison Today Besides "obese", the one word that best describes the people of TPRM, it would be "tolerant". People are very tolerant of each other's varied acts in which they displease Baby Jesus. In one of the 4 months in which TPRM is habitable, citizens enjoy congregating in many unique locals. Some of them are better described below. State Street State Street is the city's beacon of a failed communist society. Where all the city's drunken, immoral vagrants congregate. State Street is the location of many of the city's thriving businesses. One such example is a restaurant which serves mainly Afghani dishes, but specializes in its very unusual (but tasty) "aborted fetus" cuisine, provided fresh from the Abortion Clinic next door. If one wanted to visit State Street, a few things must be considered. First and foremost, carry a stick or bludgeon of some sort to ward off the army of homeless, and drug addicts begging for your spare change. It is also recommended that one only visit during daylight. At this time, most of the forementioned drunks and itinerants are currently either high as a kite, or too hungover to pose much danger. It is a local custom only to give your change if the homeless person swears oath to Communizim and proclaim their obedience to the great lord Obama. Camp Randall Camp Randall is the site of TPRM's communist rallies. Over 80,000 people show up to these rallys, held 6 or 7 times a year in the months of August through November. Camp Randall was given its name after its use as an internment camp in the 1970's. The camp housed the last remnants of the city's moral majority where they were fed to the bears of Henry Vilas Zoo (Henry Vilas Zoo = LOTS of bears!!). The Socialist ReEducational Institute of Wisconsin Under the clever guise of The University Of Wisconsin-Madison, generations of parents have sent their children here unknowingly to be brainwashed and indoctrinated by their liberal professors. List of classes offered at TSRIW *Literature of Muslim Societies. *Islam: Religion and Culture. *Gypsy Culture in Russia and East Europe. *Introduction to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Studies. *Holocaust: History, Memory & Education *Feminist Political Theory. *Evolutionary Biology. *The Anthropology of Shamanism and Occult Experience. *Among many others... The James Madison Memorial Union The James Madison Memorial Union (not to be confused with the Karl Marx Memorial Union a few blocks south) is a place where hippies congregate (among the "Do Not Feed Ducks" signs placed every 3 feet) to do whatever it is that hippies do. A typical sight seen at "The Union" during the 3 weeks of summer in TPRM involves ill-dressed youths illegally "skate boarding" on the side walk, along with foul-smelling (usually of booze or drugs) squaters asking for change for "the bus". Besides sight and smell, even one's ears are not safe from unpleasant stimuli. The wailing voices and ghastly guitar playing of hippies is so extreme that it has been known to cause a man to pierce his eardrums with whatever sharp objects are at hand. Life In the People's Republic Of Madison The people in TPRM love to not only deny Baby Jesus through their higher education, but to worship their lord satan. One example of this abomination is seen in one the country's largest halloween celebrations. TPRM has no industry, 60% of employment is based on a service economy (most of the time they are "servicing" each other, if you know what I mean). The other 40% is based on the the never-ending road construction the city. Besides stupid hippie crap, TPRM has no music scene whatsoever, despite minimum 4 hours a day of music and art education in public schools. As mentioned above TPRM is only habitable for 4 months of the year. The other 8 months are a mixture of never-ending snow (1027 meters annually, a world record), and bitter cold with an average mean January temperature of -89F. T.P.R.M's Commie, Pinko, and/or Liberal Factoids *In 2006, the efforts of the brave and patriotic citizens to create a same-sex marriage ban amendment in the State's Constitution was almost went in vain when TPRM's God-haters mobilized to stop such an obvious need. Thankfully due to Liberty-loving Wisconsinites outside this City of Wretchedness, the measure passed. *Subjects of TPRM no longer have any say in what they throw into their trash. For the city now has a mandatory recycling program. *Heroic corporation Clear Channel announced on November 10, 2006 that they would be shutting down the city's communist/liberal propaganda radio station "The Mic 92.1". Unfortunately, this victory for freedom was short lived when the Bear-loving people of TPRM sucessfully petitioned to keep the station on the air. *Illegals (Mexicans) are now able to live in the city with relative luxury with the new minimum wage law. This unjust new law is taking hard earned money away from business owners and corporations, the ones who actually earn the money, and then distributing it to lazy, unskilled workers. *Madison is home to the "Freedom From Religion Foundation". A group formed mostly from escapees from Mendota Mental Institute, they think that Baby-Jesus should have no say in our laws and government (see: Anarchy). External Links Citing God's Wrath Of TPRM So far in 2008: *New snowfall record for TPRM, as another blizzard blows through. *850 Vehicles Stranded On Interstate For 8-10 Hours, After Snow Storm. *Fog Causes 100 Car Pileup Closing Interstate *Socialist REducational Institute Student Randomly Murdered, First Such Incident Since 1996 *Madison Postal Workers Attacked By Wild Turkeys. *Earthquake felt in Madison for the first time in 40 years. See Also *The People's Republic of San Francisco *The People's Republic of Boulder *Separation of Church and State